Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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