were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this boner is exhausting
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
