Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
