Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
