doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
