Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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