Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
