I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sext me about skeletons
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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