I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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