Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
