i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
