You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
