Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
