Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
