This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
