Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
