he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
