Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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