he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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