Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
