You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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