Me. At least after what I've been through.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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