Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
