Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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