Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
