went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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