I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
