dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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