I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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