Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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