do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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