My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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