Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
