the new term for farting is butt boxing.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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