Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
