every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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