I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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