just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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