I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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