Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
