I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
