Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Randomize
