Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
