Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
