You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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