God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
