Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
