So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
