I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
