How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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