haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
