When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
