Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I smell like Dick and happiness
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