At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
