were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
