For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
