Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
