Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm both gender and math confused
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
