Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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