i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize