I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm both gender and math confused
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
