I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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