don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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