My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
