I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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