Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize