Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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