so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
