I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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