I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
