Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
