I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
