No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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