No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
