Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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