I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
