Plan B is the new Plan A
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
