he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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