i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
