Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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