Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
