Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
