Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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